I felt a chill running thru my veins.

Chronic anxiety and panic attacks are running marathon in my body, always slow and steady yet sometimes gasping. Is it a sign of depression? I hope not.

I decided to destress myself by playing some music, the best suit one I have for myself is the song named "Hallelujah". Religionary worship songs are the best to calm down my vexation, though it is not the correct genre one. Instrumental music will be the alternative.

I am expecting a lot in myself, new project, training, fighting for my increment and promotion, equipping with in-depth knowledge, playing my role well, etc. I am suffocating, I am drowning!

I want a balance in my life. I need a break, yet it is a crucial period of the team now that we have new project kickoff today, web conference later today as prelude of the new modules training, tele conference tomorrow as project kickoff meeting, and new modules training next whole week.

There are so many projects coming in, the team has delivered so many quality works. Does the team deserve a good increment and great bonus? The salary payout gonna tell everything once the payroll runs this Friday, I expect another late notification letter.

Labels: Career, Life, Thought

In deep thought

If men were born without ability to adopt memorizing skill, it would be good.

If men were born with a ROM and RAM like a computer and we can remove the RAM leaving only ROM the temporary memory which gone once the computer is turned off, it is even better.

If men were born with a complete computer integrated circuits in the mind and we can configure our mood, delete unwanted cached/saved files, encrypt private files, upgrade the chipset from time to time to adopt new skillsets so we don't have go to school or accumulate working experiences day by day, it is cool. I'll remove BLUE colour from my screen then.

But after all men are only mere mortals, we are not granted the power to control things that would happen around us. Men are living their lives without knowing how they gonna be tomorrow.

And that's where all the expectations come into life... Life is sexier when there are dreams to pursue, it helps raising our morales and motivating us to work hard for our dreams.

Having said that, always bear in mind that, least expectation would be the best cure of your disappointment, learn and practise this.

Day after day, I have slowly developed this skill on my lil circuit board, as I realised that I shouldn't be overburdening myself. If one day my dream comes true, it is not barely harvest of my effort but also blessing of the lord, Jesus Christ, my constant mental support. Question here, will you put your hands together for me then? You are gonna ignore me again I bet. =)

Labels: Inspiration, Thought

讲不出的心事
笑不出的脸颊
想不出的话题
认不出的面孔
飞不出的掌心
走不出的阴影
跳不出的圈子
喊不出的声音
叫不出的无奈
跨不出的脚步
看不出的感慨
做不出的举动
写不出的语法
画不出的彩虹
摆不出的自信
装不出的幸福
亨不出的曲子
唱不出的感觉

“就是开不了口让她知道。。。”
只有这一句，一定唱到比杰伦好听。身感同受，多了那一份真实感！

唉。。。

悲歌唱不完，哀奏旱还寒。。。

我，继续词穷。。。

Labels: Thought

This morning, I heard that Meng Keong, a colleague of mine, had been assaulted and robbed by four Malay guys while he was on his way to LRT station from office last nite about 10pm++. The LRT station is located only like 5 minutes walking distance from the office and yet this can happen. Guess what, it was happened just along Jalan Sultan Ismail! Poor guy, he lost the company Blackberry phone, which in this case he might has to bear half of its price, it is still pending company decision. His watch and wallet with all the cards and cash were robbed as well. Luckily, the company laptop was secured. Apparently, the robbers only want cash and small items but not the bulky one so that they can run away in a quick manner.

A month ago, I have read an article online about a Youtube video clip of a robbery happened in Taman Maluri, Cheras. I tried to search for the keyword "Maluri Robbery" and found the clip. Well, as a Malaysian, it is nothing special to me. As I have heard a lots here and there, read a lots from the newspaper, I bet you too, if unfortunately you happen to be a Malaysian? Anyway this is the first time I see it with my eyes (from the video clip), and this is just so unbelievable! Malaysia boleh! You see the robbers memang boleh, aren't they?



Do you like Black Eyed Peas's song "Where is the love"? We have a local version here in Malaysia, "Where is the law". Have you ever thought of questioning the government of your safety? The criminal rate here is alarming for so long and why it just never been treaten seriously?

One of the major threat, the labours issues that never seems to end. Why issuing so many visas when you see a lots of them are creating trouble here? From time to time, there are a lots of news about criminals committed by them. If you are aware, Indonesians firing with the police on the road is not so strange here in KL. Come on, this is not counter strike, you cannot restart if you get head shot. I ain't too sure if there is similar case in Singapore or not, but obviously they will first consider Malaysia when it comes to committing crime, even though robbing Singapore Dollars is far more tempting than Ringgit. Probably they see the better chance to run away? They are putting us in a really vulnerable situation! And that's one of the points that causing the harmony in deep shit!

Almost everytime if I happen to take LRT to the office, I can see a group of Malay teenagers in school uniforms, sleeping at the staircase, rest chair, etc. Can the right associations counsel and educate these young generation to go back to school? Education is the best way to heal their mindset and shape their personalities, so that they don't become mat rempit or robbers in the future.

It is sad to see our homeland in such situation. Criminal rates is rising, and yet politics war is breaking out in parallel, together with discrimination, it is making the people running away from the country. Yes, every year there are a lot of friends that graduated in oversea declared that will not come back to Malaysia anymore. My brother and sister are the best examples, they came back and sick of the lifestyle here, so they went back to the places they once stayed for their studies. And now, even the local graduates are seeking way to run away from the country! You see Singapore is collecting the expertise that are running out of Malaysia, most of the labours they are issuing visas are highly educated Malaysians and Indonesians. Their government is smart, and doing the best to the citizens. Our wealthy government, what say you? What project that is done for the sake of the citizens? Ops, forget about the semi-value projects please, we are talking about the full-value projects now! The highway to the government offices at the pork-free zone Putrajaya? Whatever! If you are talking about the population in Putrajaya, is Segamat a smaller city than Putrajaya? Nope! We are bigger but yet you cancelled the highway project here! Hate talking about government and politics, it ruins my mood! How I wish many years ago Johore was somehow accidentally divided to be part of Singapore, haha!

Sorry, guess I've gone too far away from the topic, we were talking about the safety isn't it? Hah! Well, my advise is, go back home earlier after knock off. Get some companions if you were to walk in the darkness. No one can help you with awareness but you yourself.

May God bless you, Malaysians!

Labels: Life, Thought